You come to numberFire for objective, stat-driven analysis. But that doesn't mean we hate fun.

Search the Google machine for "NFL midseason awards" and you'll find lists of who the MVP should be, who's the best rookie and which coach deserves to be Coach of the Year. That's boring. Why would you want to read more about CJIDontEvenBeInTheGameK ranks 37th in Rushing Leo Howell for coming up with this award. There's nothing worse than watching a player on your fantasy football team not score because of some sort of illogical move made by the team he's on. Keenan Allen owners know what I'm talking about - every time you switch to a Chargers game, Eddie Royal is scoring a touchdown. It'd be easier to take if it was someone like Calvin Johnson, but Eddie Royal?

Honorable mention here goes out to Ben Roethlisberger and his goal-line audibles. Le'Veon Bell owners hate you, Ben.

The "Kevin Ogletree" Award

Winner: Allen Hurns
Runner-Up: Cordarrelle Patterson

Kevin Ogletree will forever be remembered for his Week 1 outing in 2012 against the Giants, where he caught 8 balls on 11 targets for 114 yards and 2 scores.

Hopefully Allen Hurns won't have an award like this named after him in two years, but let's face the facts: He's this year's Kevin Ogletree. After Week 1, Hurns had a Reception NEP of 11.12 on just 4 catches. That's only tripled in seven games since.

Admittedly, Hurns' fantasy season is more usable this year than Ogletree's was. But man, he's probably not coming close to that Week 1 performance again this year.

The "Best Short Wide Receiver" Award

Winner: Antonio Brown
Runner-Up: T.Y. Hilton

Team #TallWideReceiver is having a tough time in 2014, as the top two receivers in Reception NEP can't even ride some roller coasters. Pittsburgh's Antonio Brown takes the award here though, as he leads the league in NEP at wide receiver. Hilton's not far behind, and actually edges Brown in Target NEP and Reception NEP per target.

The "Least Like Peyton Manning" Award

Winner: Chad Henne
Runner-Up: Blake Bortles

I think I'd rather watch all five Scary Movie flicks than the The Jaguars' passing attack. After eight weeks, the team's passing game has an Adjusted Passing Net Expected Points score of -57.19, twice as inefficient as any other team in the NFL. At their current pace, they'll become one of the 10 worst passing teams the league has seen since 2000 according to our metrics.

I'm giving this award to Henne because, before he was benched, he average -0.35 NEP per drop back. For some comparison, that's about what Ryan Leaf averaged during his worst season in the NFL.

The "Probably Throws His Controller While Playing Video Games" Award

Winner: Philip Rivers
Runner-Up: Dez Bryant

The passion that both Rivers and Bryant play with is good for their individual and team games, but that doesn't mean I want to sit down on the couch with them for an hour and play a game of Madden.

Rivers' insane demeanor gives him the award here. And to be honest, without his "I care so much about everything" attitude, I'm not sure he'd be the quarterback he is today. In 2014, he's third in the NFL in Passing NEP, and only Peyton Manning has been more effective on a per drop back basis.

So while you should probably wear a helmet if you're up against him in a game of Street Fighter, know that, well, his intensity is key to his success.